Good Clean Jokes Sites

Funny Jokes Search


Good Clean Humor. Top Clean Humor. Clean Humor Sites. Clean Jokes Sites. Clean Joke Sites. Top Clean Joke Sites. Top Clean Jokes Site.

goodcleanjokes.com

Funny Jokes

Funny Jokes

Funny Quotes

Funny Jokes


Famous quotes

Famous Quotes

Famous Quotes Search


powered by FreeFind

Humor Sites


Famous Quotes and Jokes ... World Famous Recipes ... Funny Quotes


Boots

BOOTS!

Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this one!

Did you hear about the Texas Teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots? He asked for help and she could see why.

Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. Finally, when the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet."

She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on - this time on the right feet.

He then announced, "These aren't my boots."

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. And, once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner they got the boots off and he said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em."

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But, she mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again. Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said,

"I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."

Her trial starts next month.

Related Sites

Bill Austin . Quotes About ... . Famous Quotes Exchange . Famous Quotes . Famous Quotes . Life Story Writing Network . Life Story Writing . Thelly's Place . Stockhelp Network . Virus Hoax Busters Information . Famous Quotes and Jokes . World Famous Recipes . Quotes Exchange . Top Quotations . Top Ten Humor (Top 10 Humor) . Warchalking . WLAN Forum . My Wireless Lan . Wireless Lan . Arizona High Tech Talent Partnership - AZHTTP . Free Internet Jokes . Good Clean Jokes . Friendship Quotes . Jokes About ... . Quotations R Us . Famous Quote Famous Quotes . Nursery Rhymes . Fairy Tales . Aesop's Fables Writing Resources Quote Books Buy Books at Amazon.com!

Teachers

-------------------------------------------------------------- After being interviewed by the school administration, the eager teaching prospect said:

"Let me see if I've got this right. You want me to go into that room with all those kids and fill their every waking moment with a love for learning. And I'm supposed to instill a sense of pride in their ethnicity, modify their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse and even censor their T shirt messages and dress habits.

You want me to wage a war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, check their backpacks for weapons of mass destruction, and raise their self esteem. You want me to teach them patriotism, good citizenship, sportsmanship, and fair play, how and where to register to vote, how to balance a checkbook, and how to apply for a job. I am to check their heads for lice, maintain a safe environment, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, offer advice, write letters of recommendation for student employment and scholarships, encourage respect for the cultural diversity of others, and, oh yeah, always make sure that I give the girls in my class 50 percent of my attention.

My contract requires me to work on my own time after school and evenings grading papers. Also, I must spend my summer vacation at my own expense, working toward advance certification and a Master's degree. And on my own time you want me to attend committee and faculty meetings, PTA meetings, and participate in staff development training. I am to be a paragon of virtue, larger than life, such that my very presence will awe my students into being obedient and respectful of authority. And I am to pledge allegiance to family values and this current administration.

You want me to incorporate technology into the learning experience, monitor web sites, and relate personally with each student. That includes deciding who might be potentially dangerous and/or liable to commit a crime in school. I am to make sure all students pass the state mandatory exams, even those who don't come to school regularly or complete any of their assignments. Plus, I am to make sure that all of the students with handicaps get an equal education regardless of the extent of their mental or physical handicap. And I am to communicate regularly with the parents by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card.

All of this I am to do with just a piece of chalk, a computer, a few books, a bulletin board, and a big smile AND on a starting salary that qualifies my family for food stamps!

You want me to do all of this and you expect me NOT TO PRAY?"

Twenty Questions

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroids

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese

9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quatro Sinko

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?
The Location Of The Dirt Bag

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

Top Sites and Best Sites

Worldwide Top Famous Recipes Sites . Top Christmas Sites . Humor Sites . Music Sites . Famous Quotes . Bluetooth . Arizona Sites . Best Stock Sites . Wireless LAN . Wap Sites . Worldwide Top Wireless LAN | WLAN Hotspots Sites . Best Cellular Sites . Best Jobs Sites . Best Writing Sites . Virus Hoax Sites . Best Linking Sites . Famous Quotes

Bills

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their con- versation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

The female skier Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo)...

The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street is not just an athlete, she is a nurse. She currently works at the Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital.

She is not permitted to answer the telephone, however, as it caused simply too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say,

"Picabo, ICU".

A good clean joke is hard to find these days --- pass it on

The man noticed that the chicken had three legs. So he followed the chicken down a road and ended up at a farm. He got out of his car and saw that all the chickens had three legs.

He asked the farmer, "What's up with these chickens?"

The farmer said "Well, everybody likes chicken legs, so I bred a three-legged bird. I'm going to be a millionaire." The man asked him how they tasted. The farmer said, "Don't know, haven't caught one yet."

There's too much youth; how about a fountain of smart.

My computer doesn't understand me!!

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

F1: I just don't understand the attraction golf holds for men.

F2: TELL me about it! I went golfing with my ex one time, and he told me I asked too many questions!

F1: Well, I'm sure you were just trying to understand the game. What questions did you ask?

F2: I thought I asked legitimate questions.... like, "Why did you hit the ball into that lake?"

Memory tests

Three elderly men are at the doctor's office for a memory test. The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?" "274," came the reply.

The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?"

"Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor shakes his head sadly, then asks the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?"

"Nine," says the third man.

"That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?"

"Simple," he says, "just subtract 274 from Tuesday."

Secret Service?

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands.

He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside:

The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"

My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."

Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"

He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."

Engineers and Glasses

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Types of Engineers

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons,

Civil Engineers build targets.

Whose Money?

Late one night in the capitol city a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.

"Give me your money!" he demanded.

Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this -- I'm a U.S. Congressman!"

"In that case," replied the robber, "give me MY money!"

Here is the story of a minister who got up on Sunday and announced to his congregation "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."

While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign: "ENERGY EFFICIENT VEHICLE. RUNS ON OATS AND GRASS. CAUTION: DO NOT STEP IN EXHAUST.!!!!

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday week- end. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. "Reverend, said the young man, "sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip"; The minister chuckled, " I know what you mean. "It's the same in my business."

Somebody once figured out that we have 35 million laws trying to enforce the 10 commandments.

"Someone has said that there are only two kinds of people in the world---- There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."

A father was approached by his small son, who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!" His father smiled and replied, " What do you mean, you know the Bible means? The son replied, "I do know!" "Okay."said his father. "So, Son, what does the Bible mean? B-BASIC I-INSTRUCTIONS B-BEFORE L-LEAVING E-EARTH

There was this gracious lady mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. " Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.

Good friends are like stars........You don't always see them, but you know they are always there.


Funny Jokes Quotes Recipes

Quotes . Jokes

Link Exchange